So Small
by DreamingBensidy
Summary: Brian and Olivia are loving life with their three year old and are ecstatic about the new baby that's on the way. When turmoil threatens to spill, will Olivia and Brian learn that love is all that matters after all?
1. Chapter 1

_** What ya' got if you ain't got love? The kind that you just want to give away. It's okay to open up, go ahead and let the light shine through. **_

Olivia sat herself down on the couch in her favorite seat and leaned her head so it was resting against the back. Her hands instinctively went to her swollen belly as she felt a small flutter tickle her insides. The baby had kept her awake for the past few nights and she was exhausted.

"I'm home," Brian announced softly as he walked in through the door, shutting it behind him. He shimmied his brown coat off and draped it over the back of a kitchen chair. "Hey," he smiled as he gave Olivia a swift peck on the lips, "were you able to get some rest today?"

Olivia sighed and shook her head, "nope. I just can't get comfortable." She looked up at Brian and gave him a tired smile. Even her eyes showed just how exhausted she really was.

"How about you take a nice bath while I get dinner started?"

"As great as that sounds," Olivia said, "I'm too tired to move."

Brian gave her a light chuckle before sitting at the opposite end of the couch and swiftly pulling her feet into his lap. He pulled her fuzzy socks off and began massaging them, earning a gentle moan from Olivia.

"That feels so good," she said, "you have no idea how bad my feet have been hurting today."

"I can't imagine," Brian said sympathetically as he continued to rub her sore and swollen feet. "Is Cameron already asleep?"

Olivia nodded. "He was pretty good today. He helped me with the laundry. He thinks he is so grown up when I let him help fold his own clothes."

Brian smiled at the thought. Olivia was on maternity leave now and because of that he had been picking up extra time at his precinct. The extra cash was good to have around with the baby on the way but Brian missed out on getting to be at home during the day to take care of Olivia and to interact with their oldest son.

Cameron was three years old and he was a little spit fire. He loved to help his mommy around the house but when it came time to picking up his toys, he wasn't having it. He would throw tantrums seldom but most of the time he was a well behaved three year old. Cameron was enrolled in daycare and he went three days a week from noon until five. Olivia and Brian had decided that it would be good to start him in school at a young age so that when it came time for kindergarten, he would already be used to it. All of the decision making involving Cameron was decided by both Brian and Olivia. There wasn't a decision they made without consulting the other.

"Liv," Brian dragged out, "I told you to rest today. I would have done the laundry when I got home."

"I know," Olivia said as she let her eyes drift close. She was really enjoying the foot massage. "Cameron didn't have any school clothes clean though so I just did one load."

"Didn't you hear the doctors orders Wednesday? He said to take it easy."

"I'm trying," Olivia argued, "I didn't think it would be so hard…"

This earned a grin from Brian who had stopped rubbing her feet and slipped her socks back on. "Come on," he said standing up and reaching for her hand, "let's get you to bed."

"Can't I just sleep here?" She stuck out her bottom lip and gave him those puppy dog looking eyes that he just couldn't resist.

"You don't want to cuddle with me tonight?"

Olivia perked up at that and thankfully accepted his hand as she hoisted herself into a standing position.

"I think the baby wants cake," Olivia mumbled as she crawled into bed under the covers and tried her best to find a comfortable position.

"Oh yeah? What kind of cake?"

"Chocolate. Definitely chocolate."

"I think we have a German chocolate piece left in the fridge from last night. Does that sound good?"

Olivia nodded and thanked Brian before he left the room to retrieve the sweet piece of velvet. Olivia was seven months along and so far things had been going well. Besides the morning sickness and fatigue, there was nothing wrong with either her or the baby's health. Brian was doing his best to tend to her every craving and every time she had a mood swing he was right by her side helping her through it.

"I went ahead and fixed you a glass of milk too," Brian said as he re-entered the bedroom carrying a plate with German chocolate cake in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. He was just about to hand her the plate when he looked down and realized that she had already fallen asleep. He smiled to himself as he heard her begin to snore. He put the cake and the milk back into the refrigerator because he knew Olivia would be craving something sweet in the morning.

"Night, Liv," he whispered as he crawled into bed next to her and flipped off the lamp. "Goodnight Little One," he whispered to her stomach before closing his eyes and drifting into a peaceful slumber.

It was two-thirty in the morning and a rather harsh storm was going on outside. A loud jolt of thunder had woken Olivia and she hadn't been able to go back to sleep. She didn't feel any less tired than she had before. She sighed heavily as she pulled the blankets up higher over her stomach.

"Y'okay?"

"No," Olivia answered with a certain shakiness to her voice.

Brian was fully awake now and sitting straight up as he strained to see her face in the dark. "What's wrong, Babe?"

"I just want to sleep," Olivia answered hesitantly as a fat tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm exhausted and if it isn't one thing it's another! I just want to be able to sleep for one night."

"Come here," he said gesturing for her to scoot closer to him. He lay down and pulled her to him so her head was resting against his bare chest. He played with her hair while telling her that it would be okay. "Close your eyes," he whispered delicately, "I'm right here."

Just when Olivia was beginning to drift back off to sleep the unmistakable sound of Cameron appeared in the doorway. "Mommy, Daddy, I can't sleep." Even though Olivia didn't blame Cameron, she began crying hysterically.

"Hey," Brian soothed her, "Shhh, it's okay. I promise. I will handle Cameron. You just lay down and close your eyes and I promise you can sleep in for as long as you want" Brian rolled out from Olivia and watched as she buried her face into his pillow.

"Come on, Buddy," he said to Cameron as he reached down to pick him up. "Let's get you back into bed."

"Why is Mommy cwying?" he asked, genuinely concerned. It wasn't very often at all that he got to see his mother in tears.

"She's just tired," Brian explained.

"Does she have a boo-boo?"

"Nope," Brian answered again as he flipped the Toy Story blankets back on the toddler bed, "she just needs some sleep and then she will feel all better."

"Maybe you should read her book, Daddy," Cameron said as Brian sat him down onto his own mattress and covered him up with the blankets. "Mommy likes books."

Brian smiled, "maybe I'll try that but, first let's get you back to sleep."

"I'll be okay, Daddy. I'm a big boy. You go to Mommy. She is prolly scared of the storm."

"Okay," Brian said as he leaned over and gave the boy a kiss on the cheek. "If you get scared you just holler for me and I will be right back, okay?"

"Okay."

Brian said his 'goodnights' and 'I love you's' to Cameron before leaving the room and keeping the door cracked. He returned to his bed where Olivia was still awake and crying.

"Sweetheart," he said at the pitiful sight, he hated seeing his wife so stressed, "you couldn't go back to sleep?"

"I had to pee," she said miserably.

"Oh, sweetie…" he climbed back into bed and snuggled close to her. "I wish there was something I could do."

"You could rub my back," Olivia offered hopefully, "it really hurts…"

"Okay," Brian nodded, "turn over." Olivia turned over so she was lying on her right side and her back was facing Brian. He lifted her night shirt up and began tracing lazy circles on her lower back where he knew the pain would be centered. "Just try to rest, okay? I have the day off tomorrow so you don't have to worry about getting up with Cameron."

Olivia nodded and closed her eyes, praying that sleep would soon find away to come to her. "I love you, Bri," she mumbled.

"I love you too, Olivia. Goodnight."

The next morning Brian woke up to a cloudy sky that was still lingering on from the early morning storm. There were puddles flooding the sidewalks and streets as he looked out of the window and into the rush of the morning Manhattan had to offer. He closed the curtain before changing out of his pajamas and leaving the room quietly, careful not to disturb his peacefully sleeping wife.

He made his way down the hallway that contained the bathroom and Cameron's room and into the living room where he was expecting the television to be blaring with cartoons. That had been Cameron's new thing; waking up in the morning and sneaking into the living room where he would turn the television on and press all other types of buttons on the remote. Brian figured he would go ahead and start on breakfast so that it would be done when Cameron and Olivia did manage to get out of bed.

Several minutes later and Brian had managed to finish his own plate as well as a cup of coffee. He was starting to wonder why Cameron was still asleep. He sat the sport's magazine he was reading down on the table and carried his empty dish to the sink where he rinsed it off and placed it in the dishwasher before making his way into Cameron's room.

"Cameron," he said just before pushing the door open, "time to get up."

When he pushed Cameron's bedroom door open and saw the empty bed he felt his heart skip a beat. His breath caught in his chest and immediately the worst thoughts started invading his mind.

**Uh oh. Where's Cameron? **


	2. Chapter 2

_**I know it's hard on a rainy day. You want to shut the world out and just be left alone. **_

"Cameron! Come out from under the bed." A smile grew on Brian's face as he realized that Cameron was playing his favorite game, hide-and-seek. He had just learned how to play recently and every day before bedtime he would ask if they could all play together. They didn't get the chance the night before so he must have been making up for it now.

Brian lifted the green Toy Story covers that draped half off of the bed and peeked under it. To his surprise there was no Cameron.

"You're hiding in a good spot," Brian said aloud as he made his way to the closet. He slowly opened the door, preparing for a giggling little boy but instead all he got was toys falling down from the top shelf.

Brian was beginning to worry. It wasn't like Cameron to be so quiet and usually he hid in the most obvious places. "I give up!" Brian shouted, "Come on out, Cam!" Brian stood in the middle of the bedroom straining his ears for the slightest sound. It was then he realized that the window was slightly ajar. His heart sped up in his chest as his mouth turned to cotton. He wanted to move but his muscles seemed stuck. "Cameron…" When he was finally able to gather the strength he made his way to the window and pushed the blue curtains back further. He looked down the stairwell and saw nothing but the crowded street below. He was about to pull the window shut when he noticed that the lock had been tampered with.

"No…" Brian said as he shook his head in disbelief, "No, this cannot be happening." As if matters couldn't get any worse, Brian heard Olivia's light footsteps shuffling down the hallway.

"What can't be happening?"

Brian turned around to face his wife who sported bed head and flushed cheeks from how she had been sleeping. "Liv…"

"Where's Cameron?"

Brian opened his mouth to say something but he just couldn't form words. What was he suppose to say? How was he suppose to tell Olivia that her son was missing and possibly abducted and they had slept right through it?

"Bri, where's Cameron?" Olivia asked again as the look on her face grew anxious.

"I-I don't know…"

"What do you mean you don't know? How could you not know?!"

"When I got up this morning I thought he was still asleep and I came in here to check and he isn't here. The w-window was open and the lock-"

Brian stopped as he saw the look on Olivia's face read a thousand emotions. Tears were already flowing down her cheeks as she processed the information. "Wh- he's m-missing?"

"I'm going to call Nick," Brian said, "it's going to be okay. We will find him. Maybe… maybe he just got adventurous and went for a walk."

"No," Olivia said quietly, "he knows better. Somebody took him. Somebody took my baby and I slept right through it. Oh my God, oh gosh." More tears flooded her cheeks and Brian tried his best to sole her. He didn't understand why this was happening. Who would want to take Cameron away from them?

"You call Nick," Olivia said as she pulled away from Brian's embrace, "I have to go look for him."

"Liv, no. You're on strict bed rest and you don't follow those orders as it is. Let me and the guys handle it.

"My baby is missing," Olivia said accompanied by a sniffle, "why is this happening? Why would somebody take him from us? What if they hurt him?"

It was a good thing Brian was standing inches away from her because if it wasn't for his support she would have dropped to the floor. "We'll find him," Brian whispered as he rubbed her back and tried his best to calm her. "I promise."

It had been an hour since Brian left and Olivia was sitting alone in the apartment. She was waiting for a call saying that they had found Cameron and they he just wondered to the park and that they were bringing him home. She was blaming herself for the fact that he was missing because she should have been awake. She should have known sooner that something wasn't right. Another tear silently slipped down her cheek as she stood up from the couch. Her back was aching and her feet were hurting but she didn't care. All she cared about was her little brown eyed boy.

Olivia walked down the hallway and into Cameron's bedroom where toys scattered the floor. She had remembered telling him the previous night that he could clean his room the next day as long as he went to sleep like a big boy. She sighed as she saw his favorite toy, a little red firetruck, tipped onto it's side. She remembered when Cameron opened it on Christmas just last year.

_ "Okay, buddy," Brian said as he handed Olivia the camera and handed the neatly wrapped box to Cameron who was eagerly waiting, "you can open it now."_

_ Cameron began ripping the shiny green paper off of the box and with a little help from Dad the paper was gone in no time. Olivia snapped at least a dozen pictures._

_ "A firetwuck!" Cameron's face lit up as he help up the toy to show his mommy. She snapped a picture as he smiled._

_ "That's what you asked Santa for!" Olivia played along, "You must have been a really good boy this year."_

_ "Can you open it Mommy?" Cameron questioned as he walked to her and shoved the box in her lap._

_ "Don't you want to open your other presents?" Brian held up another box to show Cameron that he had more than just one._

_ He shook his head, "I wanna play with this one. We can open the rest later."_

Olivia was pulled back to the present as her cell phone began ringing. "Olivia Benson," she said into the receiver with lack of her usual confidence.

"Liv," Brian said sadly, "we are putting out an amber alert… CSU is going to come and dust the rail for prints." His voice was covered with a thick layer of emotion as he spoke. "I don't want you to worry though. I'm going to find him."

Olivia said the words that every one was thinking, "What if you don't?"

Brian could feel his heart cracking at the sadness in Olivia's voice, "I will. I don't want you to be alone, okay? You need rest so I'm sending Mom over."

"If I would have stayed awake last night none of this would be happening," Olivia whispered in a raspy voice, "it's my fault."

"Olivia Cassidy this is not your fault. Do you understand me? I am going to find Cameron and bring him home safe. Okay?"

"Okay…"

"I love you, Liv."

"Love you too…" She hung up the phone and ran a hand through her hair. She still couldn't grasp all that was happening. Her son was missing. Her precious little boy; gone. Nowhere to be found. As she turned the leave his bedroom she saw a picture on his dresser that brought out a sob. It was a picture of Brian, Cameron, and herself. They had just told Cameron that he was going to be a big brother and the look on his face was priceless. She would treasure that photo forever.

"Olivia?"

Olivia opened her eyes to the voice of her mother-in-law and shut them again when she heard her footsteps approaching the bedroom door. She wasn't in the mood for talking.

"It's just me," Joanna said gently as she pushed the door open.

"I'm not really up for talking right now," Olivia mumbled as she pulled the covers up over her as best she could.

"Let me help, dear," Joanna said as she brought the covers high around Olivia and her swollen belly. Joanna could tell that Olivia hadn't stopped crying and it wasn't the pile of crumpled up tissue on the nightstand that led her to this conclusion. Olivia's eyes were red and swollen and tear tracks still marked her face.

"Do you need anything?" Joanna asked in a gentle tone, "a glass of water maybe?"

Olivia shook her head. "I want my son." Her voice cracked and it took every fiber in Joanna's being not to shed a tear. She promised Brian that she would remain strong for Olivia; who wasn't suppose to have any stress with the pregnancy.

Joanna sat down on the edge of the bed and began rubbing comforting circles on Olivia's back. Brian had told her all about the back trouble she had been experiencing this time around with the pregnancy. "Everybody at the precinct is working really hard," Joanna offered. "I can't imagine how you feel but, they will find him. You gotta' have faith."

"I don't have any of that," Olivia whispered, "everything was going so good for me and I should've just known that something bad was going to happen. Nothing can ever just go right for me."

"Olivia…"

"I should be out there looking for him," Olivia said as she closed her eyes and blinked away more tears.

"You should be here, resting," Joanna said, "let them take care of it. You aren't suppose to be stressing over anything right now."

"Yeah… well…"

Joanna knew that there was no consulting Olivia right now. Her son was missing and she was fragile and it was allowed, hell, it was expected. She made herself comfortable on Brian's side of the bed and reached for Olivia's hand. She wasn't going to tell Olivia but, she was worried too.

** Cameron is missing and Olivia is a wreck. Can Brian and Nick find him? Was he kidnapped? Only the next chapter will tell.**


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia was so exhausted that she couldn't remain awake any longer. She had been asleep for a good half an hour before Joanna climbed out of the bed and began tidying up the house. There were a few toys scattered here and there and she put them in Cameron's toy box, praying that he would get to play with them again.

Joanna walked into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets, looking or something to fix for Olivia when she woke up. Joanna knew that Olivia was stressing and she was going to do everything she could to help Olivia stay calm. She smiled to herself when she found a bag of noodles. She would make her famous chicken noodle soup and hopefully by the time it was finished the whole family would be back.

At the precinct, Brian and Nick were going through recent cases that could possibly want to take Cameron away from Olivia or get revenge in some way. They weren't having very much luck.

"This is useless," Brian steamed as he slammed another file onto the desk and stood up quickly, "this isn't getting us anywhere! My son is missing! My pregnant wife is at home crying her eyes out because she doesn't know where her son is. If I have to walk back through those doors and tell her that I don't know-"

"Brian," Cragen said, stepping out of his office after hearing the commotion. "What about the store across the street? The one you always get flowers for Olivia from? Do they have security cameras?"

Brian sighed and shook his head, "I don't know."

"Okay, so, Amaro, call them and ask. Cassidy, take a break and call your wife." Cragen left and stepped back into his office as Brian pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number from memory.

Olivia, who had still been asleep, slowly rolled over in bed and reached for her phone on the table. "Benson." Something about her tone made his heart break.

"Hey, Liv."

"Please tell me you have something."

"We're working on it," he promised. They were both silent for a few awhile. Neither one of them needed to say anything to know what the other was feeling. "I have to go, Liv. I love you and I'm going to Cameron home."  
"I love you too," she replied before hitting the end button and letting her tears fall. She had forgotten all about Joanna being there until she heard a soft tap at the door. "Come in."

Joanna gave her a subtle smile as she made her way to the bed carrying a bowl of hot soup. "It's chicken noodle."

"Thanks but, I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat sweetheart. You might not be hungry but that baby inside of you probably is. Brian told me you haven't ate all day."

"I am not a bad mother!"

Joanna was taken back by her harsh statement. She was in no way calling Olivia a bad mom. Olivia was the best mom Joanna had ever seen. She was loving and gentle and taught her children how to respect. "I wasn't implying-"

"I'm sorry," Olivia said as a sob escaped her lips, "I'm just so frustrated and upset!" Tears gushed down her cheeks as she started crying again. She buried her face in her hands. "I just want my son... I just want my son."

Joanna sat the bowl of soup onto the nightstand and carefully wrapped her arms around Olivia, letting her sob into her shoulder like a small child would do. "Let it out," Joanna whispered as she rubbed her hand on Olivia's back. Ever since Brian and Olivia had gotten married, Joanna had felt close to Olivia and she knew everything about Olivia's mom. She was just trying to give her the comfort a mother normally would.

"The soup is probably getting cold," Olivia mumbled as her tears dried and she slowly pulled out of Joanna's embrace. "I should probably eat it now..."

"Okay," Joanna nodded, "I put extra noodles in it. Brian said that's the way you like it."

Olivia gave her a thin smile, "Yeah," she whispered, "thank you."

While Olivia was getting some food into her stomach, Brian and Nick were across the street at the floral store.

"NYPD," Nick said flashing his badge to the young woman behind the counter.

"What can I do for you?" the woman stuttered.

"Does this building have security cameras on the north side?"

The woman nodded, "Sure does."

"We need those tapes," Brian said getting hopeful.

"Sure," the woman said again. She reached next to the register and picked of the company telephone, dialing the number to the security room that was just upstairs. She explained the situation and the guy that maned the cameras brought down the tapes with the time frame they were looking for. They took the videos and headed across the street so Brian could check on Olivia before heading back to the precinct to watch the tapes.

"How's she doing, Ma?" Brian asked as he kissed his mother on the cheek.

"Not good," Joanna replied, "she's real upset. It's to be expected."

Brian nodded, "Nick is waiting in the car so I'm just going to check on her and I'll be leaving again. Are you sure you don't mind staying the night?"

"I don't mind," Joanna smiled, "you don't worry about me. Worry about finding your son." Brian nodded before taking off down the hallway and pushing the door open to his bedroom.

"Hey..." Brian said quietly as he slowly approached the bed.

Olivia rolled over so she was lying on her back and looked at Brian with her puffy eyes. "Hey..."

"Nick and I just got security tapes from across the street. We are headed back to the precinct now to watch them. I just wanted to check on your first."

If Olivia had any energy left at all she would have started a fight. She didn't want Brian worrying about her when their child was nowhere to be found. "Find him," she said in a soft whisper before rolling over the other way and burying her head into the pillow.

"I will. I promise, Liv. I love you."

"Love you too..."

Brian sighed before leaving the room and telling his mother bye, racing down the stairs and hopping into the car, telling Nick to step on.

"Y'okay?" Nick asked as they made the trip back to their second home.

"No," Brian said honestly, trying to keep up his tough macho act. "What if he's..."

"He's not," Nick assured him, "it's most likely someone wanting attention. We will watch the tapes and we'll get a look at what happened. We're going to get Cameron home safely."

"I don't know what I'll do if we can't find him..."

**Aw. I really hope they find Cameron. Who would want to take him?**


End file.
